Friday, August 31, 2012

Bobcats at Sunrise


At four a.m. her alarm went off, I didn't think she was going to go through with it. I'm used to the early hours of the morning but she likes to sleep in, wait until the sun has time to warm the air. Little was said as we stretched our arms and sat up. After getting dressed and brushing our teeth we gave each other a look, and a smile, and walked out the door.

We had our gear: Hiking boots, flashlights, headlamps, a camera-phone, trekking poles, blankets, a packed lunch for each of us, and plenty of water. We were set. The sky was clear and infinite; the big dipper, Cassiopeia, Orion. Venus and Jupiter were in line shooting up from the north. I drove desolation highway east out of town and up the mountain. It wasn't until I turned north onto Skyline Drive that I began to see signs that Earth was still alive. Cecilia was always able to fall asleep in the car, something I was never able to do, I like to know where I'm going. I gently nudged her awake.

"The city sleeps at night, but these woods are nocturnal," I told her as I pointed at the deer blocking the road ahead.


We had 30 miles to drive on the winding road and the more we looked the more wildlife we saw. A family of deer at one turn, cautiously crossing the road, a raccoon eyeing us as we coast by. Two bobcats jump from the high grass onto a retaining wall, look in our direction and then spring into the woods. As quick as lightning a buck, with antlers as big as my torso, bounds out of the woods from our right, leaps across the entire road and disappears into the western side of the park.

I see a frightened look in Cecilia's eye but am quick to calm her nerves. "The animals," I tell her, "are more afraid of us than we are of them."


"What about the bobcats? I have never seen them before" Her voice was soft, timid, and shaking.

"Listen doll, they were no bigger than a house-cat, and did you see the way the ran away when they saw us?" I reassured her, although I saw the look the bobcats gave us, it was a look at had seen twice before, hunger. "Ah-hem," I cleared my throat, "I'm here anyway so you have nothing to worry about." She leaned over and gently squeezed my right arm, smiling while resting her head on my shoulder. I took a deep breath and told myself things would be ok.

We made it to Pinnacle overlook without further incident, hope filling my outlook and love filling my chest. With no unpleasant thoughts in my head we sat and watched the sky as it turned into a pink and orange oil painting. There was a deep fog covering the mountain towns that sit in the valleys of the rolling mountains. With the fog as dense as an ocean, the dark round mountain tops looked like a family of whales swimming across the pacific.

In all my years I don't remember a sunrise so stunning. In fact I do not recall the last sun rise or sun set I have taken the time to enjoy. With the blankets around us and the cool morning air filling our lungs we watched as the sky got brighter and brighter. All of a sudden, like a memory once forgotten races into your mind, a bright orange arc pierced the horizon. The earth rotates roughly 1000 miles per hour and the sun got bigger and bigger until finally it broke free from the mountain range and hung in the sky, free floating, lighting up the woods and casting long shadows.

"Don't look directly at it doll, I don't want to lose those beautiful eyes of yours."

After snapping a few photos we drove another 3 miles to the start of our hike. The hike was a 2 mile, 1200 feet elevation climb to Marys Rock, a bald summit with slanted rocks and a 360 degree view. While making the climb the air felt heavy, the shadows were playing tricks on us at every switchback.

"Stay close toots, I don't want to get to far ahead" I couldn't let her know things might go bad.

Without warning a howl echoed through the woods bouncing off every rock on this boulder ridden trail. It was a howl I immediately recognized as bobcat and could have come from any direction. The trekking poles were tightly gripped in my hands in the event I had to beat away an unwanted animal.

I regretted ignoring the article I had read the previous week in the local paper. As far as I can remember the headline read new feline disease strikes western virginia: turns cats into blood thirsty savages. We were close to the top which seemed like a better spot to get to rather than traveling back through the woods after hearing that howl. At least on top we could see in every direction.

"I'm scared" Cecilia whimpered
"I won't let anything happen to you" I would take out as many of these beasts as I needed to to protect my lady.

At the top of the mountain we heard another howl. Looking down the side of a cliff I saw a woman's body, it was mangled and blue, it had to have been there at least a week. Next to it, gnawing at her legs and torso, 3 bobcats feasted. As I slowly backed away from the edge a small gravel rock slipped down the side. The world became silent and the rock, no bigger that a five-cent piece, clattered and echoed all the way down until it crashed into a small pile of dried leaves. One bobcat looked up, with blood stained teeth and fire in his eyes he sprinted out of sight into the woods.

"Ben?!" Cecilias voice was unrecognizable, it was filled with utter terror. I turned and saw Cecilia surrounded by 30 bobcats with razor sharp claws and teeth that could bite through bone.

"You've got to be kitten me"

I held my poles tight, ran towards her, planted to poles into the ground and jumped. As I was flipping over the ring of bobcats, two, from either side, pounced at me. I was able to kick one, instantly breaking its neck and the other I lunged my pole forward like a fencing foil, it went into its mouth and out the top of his head. As I landed I swung my pole, with the cat still attached around my body and flung the dead cat off knocking three more cats off the edge of the cliff.

"Ben, They are getting closer!" I looked up and sure enough the circle was growing smaller.

Cecilia was losing hope, "I'm losing hope" she said.

"Don't worry baby, with me here nothing is impawsable."

I did a wicked roundhouse kick to the closest cat and swept the legs out of another turning that into an uppercut.

"Stand back, baby" Cecilia backed up and I began swinging my poles in front of my like a titanium weedwacker. No cats had a chance. I let out a roar as I approached the cats, which had begun backing up to the cliffs edge. Cats began flying in every direction as I hit them with my poles. I threw my poles down to embark on some hand on claw combat. The 5 remaining cats stood there, thinking over their next move.

"Come get some" I said to them.

They leaped, I ducked, I grabbed the back leg of one and hurled it off the cliff. I tackled one and it swatted at me, giving me a nasty cut but I'd live.
"Is that the best you've got?" I wrapped my arms around his neck and snapped it like confetti. One ran off and the other two I was able to knock off the cliff.

I was looking down the edge of the cliff at the pile of dead bobcats and turned around just in time to see the bobcat who had ran off pounce at me, I was unbalanced and could not do anything to defend myself. The next thing I see is one of my trekking poles being swung, knocking the cat 30 yards away and over the mountain. Cecilia was at the other end of that pole.

We wiped the sweat and blood from our faces, looked at each other and kissed with a passionate embrace. As we walked back down the mountain we heard applause. We looked and raccoons, mice, bears, deer, and an array of birds were swarming around clapping their paws, stomping their hooves in approval. They carried us above their heads in a celebratory mannor. As we got closer to the car a single bobcat walked solemnly over, wearing chains and carrying a golden chalice.

"When I learned of the infection I went to my forest friends," the bobcat began. "I asked them to keep me away from the others, I may be the only hope for my races survival. The disease spread so fast that no one was safe. My friends, my family... my family." The cat looked away but continued. "They are all gone now, I am the last bobcat in the area. This chalice belongs to the bobcats of this area, it is our symbol of pride, and now that there are no more, I must leave to find, and warn, the bobcats of other areas. I want you to have this" The bobcat handed me the chalice and bowed low.

All the animals went back into the woods to live freely and the bobcat walked in the opposite direction, with purpose.

Cecilia and I looked at each other, smiled, and drove home.

Friday, April 27, 2012

Blades of Grass


I try to take advantage of any activities I can find in the area that might seem fun, entertaining, or different. Sometimes they may take me out of my comfort level, but I try to make to most out of every situation. I was looking for times that the planetarium had free shows (Saturdays at 2:30 and 3:30 throughout the JMU school year) and I came across "Poet Tree Reading" where anyone is welcome to come a read an original poem about nature. I thought to myself, why not? I printed out my mountain lion dream poem and decided I would give another poem a try. Ce and I went down to the arboretum and saw the group which looked to be a few JMU professors and their creative writing class. It was a fun experience. Here is one of the poems I read:

Blades of Grass

i used to love blades of grass
trampling below my feet
as i ran around at the park.

i used to love blades of grass
pulling it up by the handful
and letting it go in the wind.

i used to love blades of grass
cushioning my back
as i somersaulted and rolled down the hills.

i used to love blades of grass
filling my nostrils
with the sweet smell when freshly cut.

i used to love blades of grass
listening to the trill
when placed between my two thumbs.

at age 9 i rolled rolled rolled
down the hill so fast
i could not see the rocks covered up by the patches of grass.
9 stitches for the 9 year old.

grass blades cut like steel blades
leaving my legs
red and tender.
i cannot smell or see the fresh mown lawn
with my watery eyes
and my sneezing nose.

I used to love blades of grass

Friday, April 6, 2012

Mountain Lion dream.


In a valley surrounded by divine white-topped rocky mountains-
So immense and majestic that you could not help but hear:
               "Ahhh" sung by a harmonious angel choir.

Running.
Not   Running    from     anything.
Not   Running      to        anything.
         Just               Running.

Slow moving black beetle scurry away from
Green Crawling reptile soaking in the sun.
             A herd of slim,
                 horned
                 hoofed creatures
half a mile ahead graze on the sparse
 shrubs growing along this Red Rock Trail.

-The only sound I hear is my own breath and the synchronized pit-pat of the two feet
                                                                                                                      below me.

Breathe outpitpat inpitpat outpitpat inpitpat

Approaching the herd new sounds entrance me.
Sounds not of my breath or of my feet but of rustels, gallops, rumbling ground.
The herd has taken off "did I startle them?"

From the cuspidated cliff caves vaults a vicious mountain lion.
"he MUST be after the deer"

My once steady pace now has arrhythmia as I veer away from the-



Friday, February 10, 2012

Bowling for Kids

Hello my hundreds upon thousands of loyal blog followers. I would like to take this opportunity to ask each and every one of you to look into your hearts and dig deep in your wallets to sponsor me in the Big Brothers, Big Sisters Bowling for Kids Sake.

For only $10 dollars you can help me reach my goal of $40 which allows me to bowl without having to donate anything myself and to stop asking people for donations.

For $25 you can not only help me but also help BBBS recruit more role models. I will also thank you on your facebook page by posting EITHER a picture of a dog, OR a cat, onto your wall, not both.

For $50 you become a Ben Colligan Bronze Pledge and I will personally leave you a voicemail reciting a haiku of your choice OR call up someone of your choosing doing the same. I will also send you a handwritten letter thanking you in a home made envelope.

For $75 you become a Ben Colligan Silver Pledge. Being a silver pledge entitles you to send me the lyrics of any song and without knowing the tune I will sing it to you in a voicemail message. I will also send you a handwritten letter thanking you in a home made envelope.

For $100 you become a Ben Colligan Gold Pledge and I will sing the same song to you or another number you give me, but replace most of the nouns with [YOUR NAME], I might learn the tune also.  I will also send you a handwritten letter thanking you in a home made envelope.

For $500 you become a Ben Colligan Platinum Pledge! You get the dog or cat picture. You get the haiku to yourself, a friend, or a frenemy. You get the song with your name replacing many of the nouns.  You get the hand written letter. But wait, there's more. I will personally thank you in a youtube video and possibly re-enact this scene from So I Married an Axe Murderer. I will also give you so many hugs the next time I see you. I will also make you breakfast some time. AND during the bowling game I will scream your name as loud as I can so everyone can hear it, once, after I get a strike. (you get to pick the style in which I yell from the following categories: Anger, Joy)

For $1000 you become a Ben Colligan Unobtainium Pledge! Let me know what you want, we can work out details.

http://www.bbbshr.org/faf/donorReg/donorPledge.asp?ievent=1000489&lis=1&kntae1000489=BBACA644F4774479864534F7FD40C9D5&supId=351804229

Link Link Link Link Link Link Link

Friday, February 3, 2012

Vacation from work

The countdown has ended which means I have to go back to work. 163 hours off of work. 6 full days and 19 hours. 10am January 27th - 5am February 3rd = freedom.

JuanWario 27, 26 b.c.

Mom is on vacation too. Her vacation is to Mexico. My vacation is to her house to take care of the pets.

Noon, I came up to moms house and let Xena out. The sun was shining so I decided to take her on a walk to the mailboxes. There were a few other people out walking or cleaning their cars so I had to be stealthy about where I would let Xena poop.

Around the corner out of sight of all houses: This is our chance. do it now.


sniff sniff waddle waddle, no poop

In front of a big bunch of bushes blocking the view from someones house: The gods of good fortune have blessed us with another sacred sanctuary to secretly shit


sniff sniff waddle wad... squat!...Yes! This is it... pee.Damn it.


A stretch of woods between two houses that would be very suitable for pooping.


I'm just going to stand here like a stupid smiling dog.


In the front yard of a house while an older lady is sweeping the porch and waving hello to me and the dog. please no please no please no please no...


Time to turn on the sausage factory. NOOOO!



Yes, Xena decided to poop in someones yard WHILE they were out front, stupid dog. That means I had to pick it up. I had brought a bag in case that happened but really didn't want to use it. On the way back from the mailboxes I picked up my pace, she pooped once, I'm not going to let her do it again...


She pooped again. In front of a house. I looked up and two people were standing in the window of the house staring at us. I wanted to run. I had another bag and I picked up more poop.


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17:00. Ce got off work and came up so I made us dinner.

Tempura Shrimp and Mini Tacos


 We spent the evening by the fire watching HIMYM
hmmm.
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January 28, 26 b.c.
08:00 Woke up, made breakfast, ran dishwasher.
10:00 Ce and I took Xena on a walk. Xena pooped in a secluded spot. I left it there.
12:00 Ce left for work. I have schoolwork to do. Ce and I are going on a blind date tonight.
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Ce and I joined MeetUp to find hiking groups and looked at some of the other MeetUp groups around Harrisonburg. One that looked fun was a group of 20-30 y/o and they do fun activities. This girl also in the group posted that her and her husband don't get out much because they have 2 kids and both work but wanted to meet other couples and young people outside of where they work. She suggested the event 'bowling' and Ce and I thought that might be fun to go on a blind couple date.

20:00 I left Massanutten to head over to Ce's. Bowling wasn't until 22:00. We hung out for a while and then at 21:00 my phone lit up and I had an email from the girl saying her and her husband had to cancel. Luckily Ce and I had a back up plan.

We had already invited someone else to go bowling: Flanders

We met flanders at the bowling alley and played 4 or 5 games.

January 29, 26 b.c.
We did absolutely nothing

January 30, 26 b.c.
Hanging out with Ce and the dog. I have class tonight so study study.
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I got back from class this evening and took Xena out. There was a big unleashed dog roaming the neighborhood looking to attack any unsuspecting victims. The beast came up and started growling at me and Xena. Little, old Xena ran in between me and the ferocious, muscular, beast of a dog and started barking at it and running towards it! The bad dog backed away and I rewarded Xena, for saving my life, with a milk bone. 




January 31, 26 b.c.
I had a biology test this morning which only lasted about two quarters of an hour and I came home. Tonight I get to go see the Carolina Chocolate Drops which is very exciting.


The Carolina Chocolate Drops were fantastic! We got to Charlottesville and had dinner at Millers. The waitress was scatterbrained and it took sooo long to get our check. We were not able to get in line as early as we would have liked but we got aisle seats in the balcony which was nice.


View this video larger


I am going to start playing the bones. Next time I go out to eat I'll get some beef ribs and I'll save the bones, clean 'em up and play 'em.


February 1, 26 b.c.
I have my American lit. class this evening and there is still some reading I have to do. Sometimes when I am reading I just get so tired and my eye lids get filled with cement and then they shut. I realized that might happen so I decided to read out loud to Ce. The story went by much faster this way and since I wasn't continually dozing off I was able to comprehend what was going on. After class we are going to play team trivia at The Dodger.
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We didn't win anything but we still had fun. Ce, Jana, Stephanie and I, aka Team Shicken Chit, got very few questions right and many many questions wrong. Last week I, after having Vogue stuck in my head and creating this, soon to be internet sensation, joke, named our team Strike a Posse. New team name ideas for next week; "JoePa wasn't fired, he was cremated." "Newt: All your moon base are belong to U.S."

February 2, 26 b.c.
Happy Groundhog Day! I am a wee bit hung-over. At midnight Ce and I inserted the VHS of the greatest holiday movie ever made into the VCR. The game we play is at every mention of the word 'groundhog' you take a drink and every time it is another day you drink for 3 seconds. The game starts off slow but when it gets to the parts where Rita keeps slapping Phil it is a new day every 3 seconds. Other get drunk parts are when he kills himself over and over and when he breaks the alarm clock over and over.

Time for the Annual
 viewing of Groundhog Day
In biology this afternoon we started to set up our fruit fly lab. we had two vials, one with wild type red eyed male flies and one with female flies with mutant sepia eyes. We had to set up a third vial for them to copulate in. It was tough to set the mood, we had to bring in a miniature water bed, tiny candles, and a little bottle of wine. We also had to find a high frequency recording of Barry Whites 'Can't Get Enough.'
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I watched Groundhog Day again this evening and now I really should be getting to bed. Work starts back up tomorrow and I am not looking forward to it. Good night.

Saturday, January 28, 2012

countdown






Wednesday, January 11, 2012

First hike of 26 B.C.

Wednesday, January Eleventh 26 B.C.



I've been trying to find a nice day both Ce and I had off so we could be outside but every time our schedules synched up the damn weather would tell us to go inside and watch an episode of Dexter, Breaking Bad, or How I Met Your Mother. After a few failed attempts and several episodes of HIMYM a beautiful sunny day surprised us and we both had the afternoon free!


The Massanutten Ridge Trail is pretty rocky but fairly easy to manage. Ce prefers loop hikes so she doesn't have to see the same things twice but this hike was a 'there and back' hike. from our parking spot it was a little over two and a half miles to the end-point.


The end of the hike is at the peak of Massanutten mountain, close to the top of the 'Diamond Jim' and 'Paradise' ski trails. Right past the cell phone towers and a little farther up some rocks there is a suicide dock, it is just like a normal dock you would see on a lake but this one hangs over the edge of the mountain and is intended for those who want to end their lives in the noble fashion of plummeting down the side of a mountain to their certain death.

"Awesome hiking poles Ben" - Anonymous

Instead of jumping like we had planned, we decided to take the service road from the cell phone towers down to the villages of Massanutten. The road wouldn't take us back to the parking lot so while we were up at the cell phone towers I called my mom who lives nearby to meet us when we got to the bottom of the mountain. 

Interesting note: While my phone has a max of four bars when in service, standing next to the Verizon cell phone tower while making the call gave me an extra fifth bar that was bigger and orange instead of blue like all the others.

Closer to the bottom of the service road we found a slip and slide that had frozen. Ce decided it would suit her better to stand at the bottom and record me going down.

View this shit larger YOUTUBE (opens in a new window)


I used RunKeeper on my phone to track our progress, you can see the activity report here.

<3en


update 1: Turns out the suicide dock was actually put there as a hang gliding dock, same difference if you ask me.

update 2: The extra orange service signal bar turned out to be a cheeto.